the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
