I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
