What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
