Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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