You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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