I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
