I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
