She said her name was "party"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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