Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
