you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
