is your mom at the bar?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
