we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
