we made out on top of his cat.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize