I just threw up on my dentist
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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