I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
bring money and cleavage
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
