I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
