I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
