So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
