also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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