He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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