i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
