You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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