i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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