I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
