I think my vagina is haunted
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
