need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
