Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
