Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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