Where did you get a picture of my penis
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
