just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
