I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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