Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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