its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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