What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
