The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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