My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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