I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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