Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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