I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
