I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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