No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
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and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
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This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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