she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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