he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
