dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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