Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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