Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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