what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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