I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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