my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
