This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
