he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
