highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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