I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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