I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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