you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
