The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
