I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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