saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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