Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
