I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
