Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
