Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
