I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Actions speak louder than pants.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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