We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
