Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
