How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
