how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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