guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize