I'm passing your future prison.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
