Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
