you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
